Our holes of suffering
Suffering and the memory and consequences of it, including grief, can suck us down into a hole. I’m down there now. I jumped down into it after thinking this distorted thought: “I shouldn’t be happy today with this or that little thing; after all, my son is dead.” I’ve moved past thinking “my son has passed.” That was the first stage of admission, I guess. Now, the glaring, jarring word — “dead” — sits in the middle of my being like a hot rock, so, yes, I jumped down into the hole.
Down here I can pile on all the other reasons to stay right where I am: what’s going on in Ukraine, what’s going on in our political arena, what’s going on just down the road in a family I know. There’s ugly everywhere, everywhere in this lovely world (sarcasm abounds) created by a God we just do not understand.
Then why give this God any time, any attention, any of my belief? Because there is one glimmer of light reaching this deep hole I’m in, and it has words within it, words like,
“You will have trouble in this world, but I have conquered the world.” (John 16:33)
“He bent the heavens and came down…” (Psalm 18:9)
And the thing is, these words do not come unaccompanied. They don’t just sound nice. They empower. They lift my head. They lift my body. They give me motivation to rise! Down here, where motivation was severely lacking in myself, I discover motivation, yes, within, but that source is not me. It’s God in me.
So, I join Jeremiah when he cries out, “You duped me, O Lord, and I let myself be duped!” (20:7) For sure, sometimes (we think) it would be nicer to just stay down in our holes of suffering. That seems easier. That seems more fitting based on all the sh*& we see. But, we can’t, not when we’ve tasted the hope, the new vision, the empowerment that comes with those words.
Hear them.
Reflection
What is your experience with the sense of empowerment that comes from a connection with God or even with a longing for God? What do you make of this?
Prayer
O God, I don’t want to crawl out of this hole! And when I don’t, please help me to notice the glimmer of light that inevitably shines down here. It shines down on a trajectory that ends right at my heart where You reside. Help me to hear You. Help me to heed You. Help me to grab hold and climb out. Amen.