Leveling the mountain

In the beginning of my journey toward healing, I felt like I was drowning. I was a new mom. I had a full-time job. And now I was supposed to turn around and allow the truth of my childhood to come into sharp focus? If the truth of that had to be admitted and dragged into the light of day, couldn’t the busy-ness of now ease up just a bit? It didn’t, and I thought it so unfair. I wanted the world, my world anyway, to stop and acknowledge the crime! I couldn’t go to work and pay attention at work while the true impact of what was done to me was creeping into my awareness.

But, it was good. I can see that now. Keeping my toes in the reality of today, the goodness of today, while looking back was vital. God had surrounded me with stability — my husband, my children (who better to call forth the lioness within me?), and my job. And the only reason I managed then was the only reason I managed through my childhood: the grace of God. I look back now, and I can see Him. My eyes have learned to catch sight of the way He moves, how He moves, in and out, with no insistence that we recognize just who it is coming to visit us.

God comes to us, often without fanfare. We can learn to see. We must learn to see. This vision takes the mountains of our fears, our angers, our accusations, our panic and eases them down, leveling them…

“Let every valley be lifted up, and every mountain and hill be made low, and let the rough ground become a plain, and the rough places a plain; then the glory of the Lord shall be revealed.” (Isaiah 40:4-5)

Reflection

What is your awareness of God’s intervention in your life, then and now?

Prayer

Dear God, I am often overwhelmed. I couldn’t handle the emotion as a child. I pushed it down in any way I could. Now, it’s coming up, Lord, again. It is like a mountain, rising up before me, and it feels insurmountable. Give me eyes to see You, Lord. You leveled it then, somehow, so I could bring myself to now. Give me grace to know You will level it again. Amen.