Trauma memories

Dear God, this is Kelley.

Trauma memories (and flashbacks) are awful. They come back with force. They grab and pull. They revisit with alarm. They push me backward from the relatively secure adult I am to the terrified and vulnerable child I was. I go from 61 years of age to 13, in an instant. For those of us who were chronically abused, this is commonplace.

Years of therapy have taught me to recognize what is happening. And a Buddhist principle has helped a great deal. It teaches the practice of observing these heightened feelings from a place of peace. It teaches me to “not serve them tea.” In other words, do not reinforce them. Do not give them undue attention. Do not add to their volatility. Just watch them go by, as if I am on a train passing through at a gentle but continuous pace.

This way of responding allows me to retain the peace and grace You offer. It allows me to glean any new information the trauma memory can offer, just in case that can be useful as I continue to heal and grow. And then, it allows this chaotic moment to just go on by. It is commonplace. It is validation. And it is okay.

This response is what You mean by Psalm 46:10…

Be still, and know that I am God.

Becoming stilled is a process. And You, not our trauma, are God.

Reflection

What do you tend to do that makes trauma memories worse, hence serving them tea? How can you cultivate a sense of knowing they will come, placing yourself in a safe position, and watching them go on by?

Prayer

Dear God, trauma memories are dangerous. I used to be debilitated by them because I didn’t know what they were. They made me feel insane. Now, however, after therapy and lots of practice(!), I now come to You and watch them, nurturing a sense of “I am here” and “they are there.” Thank You, Lord, for bringing me this far. I pray for those who are trying to learn this practice. May they learn to come rest in You, too. Amen.