Wrestle with God!
When I finally began to pray in earnest in my early teens, I’d often ask for signs, and signs were given — a four-leaf clover, a rainbow, even my watch stopping at a certain time! I didn’t stop to consider the significance of the signs. It was more like a visit to the “God store” where I would grab the sign off the counter and run! It was simply how I related with God. I needed those signs. If they weren’t given, then God was just like the adults in my life — unpredictable and frightening. I needed something I could exercise some control over; and, God, in the most tender of mercies, allowed me to have a bit of control over him!
These signs slowed immensely the older I got. As I pondered the reason for their slowing down, I realized (not without God’s grace!) that a faith dependent upon signs was not very strong. Even more, a wounded person who looks outside herself for solidity will never be strong enough to heal well. God wanted me to be strong in my own right. God wants me to heal. There are two very important truths here.
First, we must ponder the things of God. If we’re confused and frustrated over God-things, be glad! It is in the pondering of these confusions, these frustrations that wisdom comes. God’s grace works as our minds struggle. This is how we come to see as God sees.
Second, we are made in the divine image. God is within. As long as we go looking for others or for exterior signs to bolster what we obviously want to be true, we miss realizing the primary reason we want this Person of God to be all that we want Him to be is simply because He is!
Is this too good to be true? Well, yes … and no. Yes, because God is this good. No, because how this God of the public square is thought to work just isn’t how He works. The way our culture teaches us to see God is faulty. But once we take steps to acquire what is truly God-vision, ah! Then we begin to see! Then we see how superficial those exterior signs really are, how unneeded they are.
Reflection
What truths of God have you come to realize as you wrestled with confusion and frustration?
Have you left these truths behind, or have you worked to keep them front and center? What application do they have in your present life?
Prayer
Dear God, Jacob wrestled with you, so how can I think I should not have to if, that is, I want to grow in knowing who you are and how you work? Help me to be willing to keep on wrestling until wisdom comes. Wisdom (you) will come. Lord, I want to stick with you! I want to know you! I want to heal! Amen.