Anything but humble
Another lie I came upon in my journey to heal was the idea that we shouldn’t question God. This directive stands like a road-closure with blinking red lights. Those who come upon it, see it, and abide by it may enjoy life a bit more — kind of like bowling with the gutter guards up! But, abiding by those blinking red lights may not be possible for those who are acquainted with suffering, aware of it, and ready to move through it. Suffering alters that road block. We tend to see it differently. We tend to see it actually as an invitation. Kind of like Abraham whose curiosity over the lowest number of good people it would take to deter God’s destruction of a place moved him to keep questioning…
“Please, let not my Lord grow angry if I speak up this last time. What if there are at least ten there?” (Genesis 18:32)
God wasn’t angry with Abraham for asking.
“For the Lord loves his people, and he adorns the lowly with victory.” (Psalm 149:4)
Humility is the necessary ingredient in our questioning of God, hence “the lowly” as in the verse above. But, this lowliness can look far different than we think.
At the beginning of my journey to healing, I stood before God with rocks in my hands. Oh, they were big rocks, and my fists were clenched. I was in pain. I was 26. I had a new husband, a new son, a good job, but the flashbacks, the doubt, the suspicion, the fear plagued me. I was not capable of staying in my newly created, lovely now. The more I tried to force myself into this new reality, the more it seemed my feet, my legs were caught in quick sand, and its hold on me was climbing.
Oh, I threw questions at God! And not just questions, but accusations! “You never help!” I cried. “You make things worse when I pray!” “I hate you!”
Seem anything but humble?
God saw it for what it was — a wounded child with a newly discovered voice now putting into words what couldn’t have been spoken long before, and why? Because I lacked the brain development necessary to follow His response. And there is nothing more humble, more lowly than the plea of a child.
We will now proceed in two directions: how God responds to the wounded inner child of the adult; and, we must also learn how to see God’s presence with us even before we knew he was there.
Reflection
In what ways have you refrained from questioning God? Why?
Prayer
Dear God, it is almost Christmas time. I want this Christmas to be different. I want to lay down my anger, my suspicion, my fear. I’ve consented to sit under the Juniper. May I see into the manger from here. May I begin to understand You, even if it’s a knowing without explanation. I don’t need explanation, Lord. I just need to know You see me; You love me; You’ve been with me, always. Amen.
“For the Lord loves his people, and he adorns the lowly with victory.” (Psalm 149:4)