As God sees

Dear God, this is Kelley.

How we’re raised leaves us with a set of perceptions. Some are fairly innocuous, like girls tend to like pink, while boys like blue. I don’t know if that particular perception is true, but I do know many of the perceptions set by abusive environments are neither innocuous nor true. Because these perceptions are harmful and untruthful, we need to identify them and change them. This isn’t easy.

One of the most dangerous perceptions we can harbor comes from the fact that we will think God sees us just as our parents saw us. If we come from relatively healthy homes, this perception works very well. We simply take what is good, and make it better. God knows us better, and God loves us better. But if our parents were compromised? If they did not, could not love us, if they saw us as objects to be used to meet their own needs, if they tasked us to make things better for them, then what? God perpetuates the misperceptions.

I have to earn God’s love and approval. I will never get close to God, as God doesn’t care enough to have me close. God’s view of me, in fact, can turn on a dime. And I’ll discover my thinking I’m special to God will be contradicted and shown to be what it really is — my pathetic need that has no basis in reality.

Reflection

How would you describe God’s feelings for you? In what ways has this description been formed by how your parents felt about you?

Prayer

Dear God, it makes sense to me. How my parents saw me, how they treated me, how they loved or didn’t love me — this will impact how I think You see me, treat me, and love me.

How does the truth make it through this, God? How do we correct this? How do You help me become aware of Your love for me? Open my eyes, my heart, my mind, my ears, Lord. This is going to require some work from me. Please give me Your grace. Lead me to know what is true. Help me to see how You see me. Amen.