From within

My father did not know how to instill strength in me. He taught me to look to him for what I needed to survive and even for what I was supposed to think. Separation was seen as disloyalty. Consequently, I walked into adulthood woefully vulnerable, still looking outside myself for virtually everything, including self-definition.

Chronic childhood abuse creates adults who lack interior strength and confidence. Without proper help, we are walking NEED. We look outside of ourselves for all that matters — our identity, our security, our way. And we hate it. We hate how weak, how needy we are.

You’d think God would capitalize on that need, just have us look to Him! He would give us identity, security, and He could tell us what path to follow. In effect, then, He’d just be removing our abusers and standing in their place, ready to supply our needs.

How would this work? We would continue hating ourselves — and we’d end up hating God, too, wouldn’t we? So frail within, we’d be looking to Him to prop us up at every sign of rain, not to mention any storm!

But this isn’t God’s way, thankfully. God does not want us to continue lacking interior strength and confidence. These are chains God knows well how to break, and He will insist we work with Him to break them. God will, in effect, lead us to do for ourselves what our parents were supposed to do: enable us to stand on our own.

God knows well how to work with those of us caught in the debilitations of abuse. He invites, urges, expects us to work with Him to become who we were meant to be: effective, positive, hope-filled, and loving people!

Reflection

What is the difference between needing to find God outside of ourselves and finding Him within?

Prayer

Dear God, there is no grasping anymore. There is no frantic search for cover. There is no panic attack. You have strengthened me! I can stand and withstand. Because of You, I am upheld.