It was Christ

Our lives can be very hard. We ask God to help. When what’s hard doesn’t disappear, we tend to think God said no. God may have “said no” to a particular prayer — our prayers can be very particular — but that doesn’t mean God stopped there. There may be another way to get to the end point we’re asking for. But we stop looking for Him. We stop expecting to see Him, especially in the midst of what’s hard.

I wanted God to stop my dad. I even asked for Him to kill my dad. There were plenty of opportunities, as my father traveled extensively during the weeks. Each Friday evening when he walked through that door, I felt more and more like I didn’t matter, and the abuse would never stop. That was my perspective at eleven years of age. God was saying no.

Oh, but God was not saying no! I can see that now! God was taking so many opportunities to strengthen me, to comfort me, to give me hope. I didn’t know it was Him at the time. The strength, the comfort, the hope came through, oddly enough, an archetypal image God was building within me — taking pieces of superheroes from television and movies, taking bits I knew of the Indigenous Peoples I learned about in school, and combining these with His own image on the cross. From these, I was slowly coming to know a Victim, yes, but also a Survivor, Someone who was put down by external forces but who was very clearly transcending those forces.

You might say this was “weak” in the face of what I was going through. But, when God attaches His grace to such an image, the effectiveness of that image becomes immeasurable! In time, I felt myself at one with this image, this Victim, this Survivor. I did not realize it was Christ himself; I did realize His power.

Reflection

What kept your head above water as you were suffering? Do you see the hand of God in that?

Prayer

Oh, God, I am overwhelmed by You. Even as I thought You chose to not hear me, still You worked in my young life to buoy me through. You took what I knew, images that were familiar to me then, and You attached yourself, Your grace to these, speaking to me, to my heart, to my mind. You saved me. Thank You, Lord. Open my eyes to all the ways You came to me. Amen.