The cost of abuse

Dear God, this is Kelley.

Abuse costs. We want to think once we’re adults, once we get away, it ends. Oh, it doesn’t end. It comes right along with us. It shows itself in our perceptions, our beliefs, our behaviors. It shows itself in the physical problems we develop and in the psychological problems we encounter because we didn’t have time to develop.

I’ve had two reconstructive surgeries. I deal with chronic physical problems. I have PTSD and another psychological disorder that impinges on my every day. I can’t be alone at night. And I’m supposed to fix everyone’s problems because this was the role given me as a child. Well, I didn’t. I couldn’t, and I can’t now.

Where does this leave me? With You. And I’ve thrown my share of rocks at You. I’ve blamed You, questioned You, left You, and come back because I know You’re the one who’s been there through it all. You’re the one helping me to bear the cost of abuse. You’re the one taking that cost and turning it into treasure.

I want more treasure, God, and not so much cost. Help me to trust You more. Help me to continue allowing You to peel away the mindsets, heal the wounds, and help me live with the disabilities. I like who I am when I rest in You.

Reflection

How is God making treasure from the costs of the abuse in your life? How are you letting God do this? How might you be inhibiting God?

Prayer

Dear God, You take our suffering and transform it. You take what is dark and painful and make it bear fruit. You take wound and make muscle. You take agony and make compassion, wisdom, and patience. But we have to work with You as You do these things. Teach us how. Day by day, teach us how. Thank You, God. Amen.