What does it mean to be triggered?

Dear God, this is Kelley.

For those of us who grew up in chronically abusive households, the possibility of being triggered is high. Being triggered refers to a past trauma leaping forward with some violence because of some thing (person, sight, smell, word) in the present that serves as a reminder (a trigger) of an abusive event. We must be on guard at all times and ready with well-practiced methods to calm the violence and restore the equilibrium. This is not easy.

One of my abusers wore a certain fragrance. If I come around a man who is wearing this scent, I can be triggered. What does this look like? An intense fear seizes me. I break out in a cold sweat. More often than not, my whole body freezes in place. I have been pushed back in time, and my body is doing now what it did then. The submissive response is what I had to do then, but rage follows. Rage directed at the abuser and at myself for submitting. All of this rushes into the first few seconds after I become aware of the fragrance.

If I do not employ my well-practiced response immediately, I can react in ways totally inappropriate to the present situation. This man just happens to be in my vicinity. He is no threat, but that is not my overriding perception. After the initial freeze, I may turn and run. I may shout at the man. I may cry. My behavior is alarming unless I realize what is happening.

I thank You, God, for showing me how triggers occur. It explains so many awkward, confusing and inappropriate actions on my part. I thank You, too, for showing me ways I can nurture an awareness of these occurrences and respond to cut them short — to employ methods that ease the trigger and provide the comfort and protection I needed then and went without.

Reflection

What is your experience of being triggered? How have you learned to deal with triggers?

Prayer

Dear God, healing from chronic abuse is a lifelong pursuit. If we don’t recognize triggers for what they are, we can end up ruining relationships, losing jobs, and just feeling insane. Please give us the grace to not only see we must work to heal, but help us to find the commitment and discipline necessary to do this work. It is worth it. We deserve to heal. Amen.