When resistance ends

Dear God, this is Kelley.

My sister died, God. I know I don’t need to tell You, but I need to say those words. I know You were with her as it was happening. Your grace calmed her. Your love received her. And now we struggle to make sense of this timing, this absence, this loss.

She died the day before the second anniversary of my son Alex’s death. We’re looking around, reconsidering what life is supposed to be about. We’re questioning if we’re “getting” it right, doing with our single lives what’s best.

We’ve got to come here, God, to You. You are the author of the questions that boil within us. You are the author of the longing, the yearning, for why, for love, for purpose. All these are written into our very makeup because we are meant to come looking for the only One whose response satisfies.

You’ll wait as we throw our rocks, shout our doubts, make our accusations. And we’re wise if we spend ourselves right here instead of walking away in disgust. Once we let go of all that resistance, all that anger, all that fear, all that self-righteousness, ah, that is when wisdom begins to whisper.

Be still and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10).

No, not for power’s sake. For love. For a way and a will that is so far above our own petty way and will. For a path that does work all things to our good (Romans 8:28).

Reflection

Is it strange that peace and a feeling of being held often come at times when explanations and answers are nowhere to be found?

Prayer

Dear God, it’s just You. We don’t get this. It’s not about getting. We don’t understand. It’s not about understanding. Wisdom is above that. Help us to allow all this minutia — explain this! prove that! show me! — to flow away as we turn our hearts and minds toward You.

You are with us. Teach us how to be with You. Amen.