Give God ground
Illustration by Rebecca Heaston.
I was sitting with someone in great pain. She’s been flirting with nihilistic thoughts, easily finding all sorts of proofs to make this ideology fit: the suffering she sees and feels, the selfishness of many of our so-called leaders, an economic system that puts so much out of reach of those in greatest need, and, most of all, people who refuse to accept what is so obviously true.
I know well this view she’s trying on. I’ve flirted with it myself. I’m flirting with it now. I feel sad, and I’ve no reason to feel this way, but I know I can look around and pull some reasons toward me: this loss, that loss, this not panning out, that doubt about myself. I can stop writing this right now and refuse to try to find a way up and out.
But I’ve seen too much. I’ve watched as evil fled far too many times when I brought God into the picture. Well, not so much me bringing God into it. It was more like noticing God already there. I didn’t feel him there either; it wasn’t a sensible thing. It was more a thought popping into my head and then a choice I had to make. I could choose to give God the ground, or not. I could either welcome God’s presence, acknowledge it, make room for it amidst my sadness and doubt, or I could turn away from the thought of God and try all by myself to lift my spirit.
I’ve made room for God enough times that it is habit now. It wasn’t always the case. In the beginning, it was like dragging velcro across shag carpet. I wanted to doubt everything about it. I was sarcastic and just plain annoyed. Really, I was afraid this God thing wouldn’t work, and it sure didn’t feel like it was working. I didn’t get any overwhelming peace. I wasn’t filled with, what, certainty?! But the doubts backed off. The heaviness eased. And I — even a bit reluctantly, I must say — acknowledged God and figured next time I’d act a bit quicker to allow this whole process to occur again.
It’s a good choice to make.
Reflection
What’s more solid, our ability to feel God’s presence or our ability to see the effects of God’s having come by?
Prayer
Dear God, help me to make the choices that bring me to my feet. Choosing you, even when I don’t feel you, seems to do that. I’d rather feel your presence — a sense of peace, a surety, a calm. Help me to trust that I will come to sense those over time. That does take time. It starts with my choice. It continues with my commitment to refrain from entertaining doubts. May I welcome your presence and keep my eyes on what follows. Amen.