Overreactions
Someone says something to me. Perhaps it is their tone or their words that catches me. I project judgment, criticism, even rejection. A pall comes over me, and I feel as if I am very young, vulnerable, and afraid.
I’ve been triggered. It is something those of us who have been chronically abused must deal with. Some word, event, smell, sound, or sight reminds us of a trauma suffered long ago. Suddenly, we are thrust back into that trauma. What we felt then, we are feeling now. It is disturbing, to say the least.
Once we get to know how we tend to react to such triggers, we can devise ways to deal with them without anyone in our present lives even knowing. We devise internal monologues to calm ourselves. We have certain ways we can remind ourselves we’re adults now. We’re safe. We’ve survived. We are in control.
Oh, but we weren’t then, and there was nothing we could do about it. We were afraid, confused, enraged. We felt trapped. Until we learn how to check these triggers as adults, these feelings rushing back in at once can result in our overreacting to what is in actuality a constructive criticism or a simple question. Our overreaction is often not understood and is quite rightly received with alarm, a response that adds shame to our sensory overload. We withdraw totally or react with even more force. Either way, we’ve made a mess, one that requires great grace to clean up.
We can be challenging to live with. We must educate ourselves and those close to us. We cannot help when we are triggered. We can, over time, however, learn to stop the projections: No, we’re not being rejected. No, we’re not being abandoned. No, we’re not being made fun of or ridiculed. We’re safe. We’re loved. We’re accepted. And we can handle whatever this present situation asks of us.
Reflection
How often do you find yourself overreacting? How can you use the grace of God to create a system to care for yourself in such situations before your response escalates?
Prayer
Dear God, I do tend to fear — and thus project — criticism, judgment, and rejection. Help me to find ways to jump out ahead of my projections and ease my fears. May I use your grace to be the adult you are empowering me to be. Amen.*
*Therapeutic intervention is highly recommended for those who overreact on a regular basis. A therapist can help survivors to develop skills to interrupt projections that result in overreacting. We all deserve to heal.